Monday, March 26, 2007

Better then your average bear

What a wonderful weekend. The weather cooperated, the kids were healthier, and I got to spend time with my sweetheart. The kids love her to death. We all had a wonderful time at the park, and while I stayed home with my son (he needed a nap) she took my daughter to the store and did some shopping with her.

Then saturday, we went dancing and stayed up too late afterwards watching The Phantom of the Opera. We did not make it all the way through, she kept falling asleep sitting with me on the couch. So at a point, i just turned it off, said my good bye and went home to crash myself.

It was a wonderful weekend. I sure hope there will be many many more like it.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

H E Double Hockey Sticks Week

This week has been horrible. I come down with a cold on Saturday afternoon. Everyday it gets worse. Yesterday was horrible. My eyes, nose, and mouth constantly burned, my whole body ached, I was either cold or hot, i had no energy, and devoured a large box of Kleenex.
Last night, my fever broke and I'm feeling a bit better today. I still am tired and worn out, my nose still feels warm, but i think the worst is over. I am taking today off, my fourth vacation day taken since Friday (good thing I had a few spare). Hopefully I will be able to get to work tomorrow, I'm going stir crazy.

My sweetheart is not faring to much better. She is having trouble keeping warm, and her head is clogged up so bad, it is making it hard for her to think. Unfortunately she has to go to work today, or she has to get a doctors note.

ugh.. what a week so far.

I ended up going in for a half day. Kept me from going stir crazy, but man it was a long 4 hours of work. hard to keep my mind in the work.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Disney On Ice

My daughters birthday was a success. She totally enjoyed the show and seemed to have a blast. My son on the other hand, spend most the weekend with high fever and sluggish. neither of them ate well at all. It was the second time they got to meet my girlfriend, and they seem to like her. She handled the kids very well, and they both seemed to listen to her and to talk to her. My daughter treated her like a best friend, they did alot together. My little one even did some swimming with her and did a wonderful job.

I think I got my sons cold. I started to feel sick on saturday. I think only the kids got alot of sleep. Both of them coughed and hacked and snored thier way through both nights. There was a wedding party on the floor and they decided to talk to 1 am sat night and the adults had trouble sleeping with all noises. ddnt help that by sat night, all of us had the rough dry cough. was like a chorus of coughs.

but all in all, my sweetheart and I both agreed that it was a wonderful weekend.

and thats all i have for today.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I need to move

I get home tonight to find that my door has been kicked to death. Whoever did it, was unable to break it down, but the outside of my door is busted, my door jam is shattered, and I had to crawl in a window i found unlocked to get into my own apartment. I am debating sleeping here tonight, as i know the door will not withstand another such attempt. Nothing is missing, but i am still unsettled by the whole matter.

Sunday, March 11, 2007


I have never been a real jealous person. I was used to my X having more gentlemen friends then female friends. It was something I knew, and it did not bother me. But ever since she left me for the neighbor, I have been filled with jealous rage. It scare me. I am not a wrathful nor jealous person, and how quickly and strongly I can get angry because of jealousy these days bother me.

My sweetheart loves to dance and there are few men in the church group that dances that can keep up with her, and she loves to dance the faster dances with them. She also has a kind and gentle heart and will pass up dancing with me to ensure that those that don't have a dance partner get a chance to dance. I love this nature about her, but what I don't like are the occasional pangs of jealousy I feel. They are never very big and I soon squash them, but they should not be there. No one she dances with is in competition with me for her attention, everyone is a long time friend in a close knit circle of friends. I know this, I understand this, I don't understand why Im feeling jealousy towards them.

She did thank me last night for letting her dance a few dances with the others, and would usually let me know that she was going to dance with whom, and whether it was to give them a chance to dance or a song came on that they could dance the heck out of. She is a very wonderful person, and thoughtful beyond measure. When she thanked me for letting her dance with the others, I told her it was no problem and it was good for me. She asked me why, and I told her that I never was a jealous person, my x was a tomboy and had more guy friends then female friends and it never bothered me. until she left me for one and ended up pregnant. And that now I am jealous, but i have no reason to be with her and her circle of dance friends.

I am hoping that I got across the point I was trying to make to her, that sometimes i did feel jealous last night, and that i had no right, and she can tell that i may be acting that way to tell me that i am silly. or cute.. cute works too.

So, some of her friends are going to die. Seems that at the wedding, while we were waiting to disperse and go eat before dancing, we kissed. Her friends saw, and gave her a hard time about it in a good natured joking manner that all good friends have. It embarrassed her completely, and she had a hard time, i think, enjoying the majority of the slow dances because she was waiting for the next person to give her a hard time for being with me. It was different for me of course, as I don't know them that well yet, and their banter wouldnt bother me at all anyway. When i am dancing or i am out with her, my full attn is focused. I noticed, as i am sure a few others did that were watching from the sidelines, that when we danced, i never took my eyes off of her. I was dancing for her, with her, because of her. I just hope that she doesn't get any grief for it.

well, i have probably said enough. i should get around and get ready for a friends child's first birthday party/open house get together. I still need to eat and go get a card for the little one.

"May the lord bless you and keep you close to his heart. May he reach out and strengthen the bonds of relationship between you and yours. May he show through you the love that is in him for all people"

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Live Love Life

Life is cruising along at the speed of love these days. This week I have spent only the time needed to sleep and shower at home. My Sweetheart as was sick Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday, so I made sure to go over and keep her company when I got off of work every day. I had two events at church that kept me busy from 7-8:30 on Tuesday and Thursday.

We were going to go bowling last night, but Friday night is not a good night to go bowling. So we went ice skating instead as this bowling alley has an ice skating rink. Skating was fun, but the cold air got to my lungs and the skate killed our collective feet.

So after about 4 rings around the rink, we called it quits and headed out. We drove past where I work, she took me out past her parents house, and a couple other places from her childhood. It was nice.

Every day I spend with my sweetheart, my heart grows fonder for her, and I become more and more in love with her as that love matures from a simple (wow im dating again!) to something deep and special. She has a wonderful sense of humor, and like me, can break down into spontaneous bits of humor and fun at any time. (we had a sword fight with our straws in Olive Garden last night.. it was wonderful)

A bit of news for those of you not in the know.
My daughter turns 6 Sunday. I am taking her to see Disney Princess Wishes on Ice in St. Louis the weekend after that. It should be a fun weekend for me, as both my wonderful children are going, as is my Sweetheart. My extended family in St. Louis is helping me out by getting my daughter a cake for her birthday (so I don't have to travel with one).

My Brother is leaving his family. I think. Maybe. He is moving to Omaha Neb alone. He will be staying and paying rent with a friend up there, and his wife and 3 kids will be moving in with their dad in Wichita. I guess the plan is try out this separation thing for a couple months and if they like it, I am not sure. He did not say there were in marital trouble, just that not living together was cheaper and better for everyone (financially). I don't know about him.

Well thats all I have to say about that.

Monday, March 5, 2007


I don't know if I have made this clear yet, but the Lord has led me to one of the greatest blessings in my life. When I needed it the most, when I listened to the Lord, he led me to one the sweetest people I know. Someone whom blesses my life everyday she is part of it. I do not know my heavenly fathers goals, whether she is here to bless me for a short while or a lifetime, but I am thankful. She is my sweetheart. I try every day to make sure she knows that she is a blessing in my life. I try to give thanks and lay my relationship with her at the Lords feet, and ask him to lead me where he desires.

But most of all, I am trying (not very successfully) not to worry about it, to allow the Lord to take care of it. But relationships are one of my greatest worries areas. Dating is probably the hardest area for me because I am scared to death of loss and terrified of rejection. I tend to second guess my every action and worry about everything. My friends tell me to relax and just be myself and be honest and everything will work out for the best.

Honesty is one thing I am working very hard at doing. I hid too much about who I am in the past when I was married. Never again. The person who spends the rest of life with me will get me, and not the part of me that is acceptable to them. They will get brutal honesty, they will get my soul laid bare, and probably more then they need to know about me.

I strive to ensure that I learn from the mistakes in my past, to make me a better person for today.

"May the Lord lead us to the life he has prepared for us. May our relationship be a beacon of the Lords love to all that witness it. That is my prayer."

Worry Wart

What is it about me that causes me to worry myself sick about some things? What is it about me that causes me to pour too much of myself into something? Why can't I just give those things I fear the most, that I am the least prepared to handle, that causes me much worry and stress up into Gods hands without continuing to worry about them?

I worry intensely about things that are not in my control, I tend to imagine the future and then imagine it crumbling down around my ears, when in fact, I would have little to no control over its crumbling in the first place.

This worry causes me to feel down and upset to my stomach and just miserable. I shouldn't be this way, if I trust god to take care of everything and lead me along the path he would like to see me travel.

I am a firm believer in the old saying "God will not deliver unto me any trials that I can not handle with his help" And it has proven true time and time again, but each time still causes me distress as I struggle with the lesson to be learned. For i believe that each event is a lesson for me, and i must not be getting the point, because they keep happening. I feel like a mini Job sometimes.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail!

Went Swing dancing last night. I had an absolutely wonderful time. Not the easiest thing for me to learn, as it requires the feet to actually move in a coordinated fashion, but I was told I improved and did very well for my first time out. The Dave Stephens Band was good, Dave does a pretty good show.

My date looked absolutely amazing that night. I danced as many of the swings as i could, and on the faster ones, she danced with friends of hers that could keep up the hectic pace of some songs. I spent those songs watching the young adults that were there, and were professional dancers, do their thing.. Amazing.

Can't wait to go again.